Watch this space… or rather, don’t. Next time Mess hosts a dinner for twenty or so fans it will be somewhere completely different. Last night their pop-up restaurant was held in a vacant renovated store-front, almost ready for a lucky tenant. It was on the corner of Juta and De Beer, Braamfontein, in the heart of developer Adam Levy’s facelift precinct – sometimes described as Joburg’s Soho. The food prepared in the pop-up kitchen was so delicious and original (a bit too original for me), the company, vibe and sounds of distant vuvus made for an evening that was soooo Joburg 2010.
Mess are Kate White (copywriter and author) and Jonathan Cane (Vega lecturer). So nice to see talented people sharing their creativity outside the agency, and for only R150 a pop.
Here’s the situation. I bet there is a large percentage of people out there in Joburg that didn’t know we had a Chinatown. Alive and well, and just before Bruma, in the quiet suburb of Cyrildene, is the very cool. very functioning Chinatown. But, Chinatown used to be in the city centre, and thankfully some spots still remain like Swallows Inn and the Yung Chen Noodle Den. Swallows Inn is an incredible place, when you know the history of the area. What made them stick around? A love for the city?
There is this large downtstairs section that was probably once the spot to be seen seen eating noodles this side of Ghandi Square! It was here that I discovered the fantastic combination of whiskey and Chinese Food. Going there now, you greeted with smiles, and the same quality fried rice you get anywhere. Just this time, you walk out and stare down commissioner with a smile on your face! This is the right Chinatown. When you wanna take someone down….you gotsta do it in THIS Chinatown!
Cruise down Commissioner Street. Once you enter Newtown territory in the west, if you cant see the luminous chinese signs you shouldn’t be on the road.
This very cutely named store is the place you need to go for a snack. It’s just that – a bakery that will also give you a cheese burger and chips for a shade over R20 or a Finding Nemo themed birthday cake so clear it looks screen-printed. The queues around lunch time are testament to the cheap, hit-the-spot quick bites that the busy Joe needs to keep moving for the rest of the day. For those with the luxury of time on their hands there’s a coffee shop attached that serves light lunches, with tables on Main Street. The vibe on the street is busy business – so dip your almond biscotti into your cappuccino while watching people meander past the large replica gold Zimbabwe Rhino in front of the Jenga-esque 45 Fox Street building. Try figure out how the building hasn’t fallen over yet.
Speedy tip – get on a first name basis with the lady running the show, get the phone number and pre-order a beef and avo wrap (with chips & salad on the side) for 28 bucks and have it at your table the minute you sit down. Impress your friends, get the promotion, be a hero.
Not to be confused with the new fancy spot in Greenside, the original has been keeping things merry in the city centre for the last three years.
Located on the corner of Anderson and Simmonds, The Office seems to have the correct location and moniker to attract weary Standard Bankers to indulge in a few pints after work on a Friday. Indeed, it does do just that. Our first attempt at sampling what The Office has to offer ended at the door as they adhere strictly to closing times, with the second getting to the beer but not the food. You’ll part with twelve and a bit ZAR for a Label and the food seems to be around the R30 mark, but the kitchen closes at 3pm so be swift. You get the feeling from the décor and ambience inside that you really could be anywhere in South Africa, but least likely so in the CBD. So if your idea of going into the CBD is to get out of it, mentally at least, then The Office is your place. Otherwise it’s just fine for a cold one after a day in the city.
51 Anderson Street, Johannesburg. Tel +27 11 8387393
This spot really has a lot of potential. To be frank, Braamfontein really has a lot of potential. Sitting on the cusp on the inner city, The Bridge Diner sits below Nelson Mandela Bridge, one of our city’s biggest landmarks, and one of the city’s biggest ironies. I say irony because in any other city in the world the bridge would be going over water, and this little diner would be sitting on one of its banks. Instead we have a bridge built over a sea of trains.
The place is cosy, and still needs to grow into itself a little, but a cheap and decent food offering in the city is golden after most businesses are still shutting down after dark. The city is filled with thousands that are left hungry and in need of a party. The Bridge Diner is going to help significantly with this. Pizza wont blow your mind, but its cheap and fills the spot, And quite frankly, Im ok with that sometimes.
If you looking for a regular party to go to afterwards, go to Pantsula Bites on a weekend evening and try move more than two meters in either direction, or Kitchners which is on the same street, just on the other side of Jan Smuts.
At the bottom end of Commissioner Street, deep in the heart of Joburg’s old Chinatown on an unassuming corner (and I use that word with caution — the last time I was there a vagrant was peeing on the wall outside the restaurant), with yellow paint peeling from its walls and sticky plastic tablecloths (are they still called table”cloths”?) is the Yung Chen Noodle Den, one of the few destinations left on that street for Chinese food since Chinatown upped sticks and headed for Cyrildene. I can only speak for the crispy chicken, the sizzling peppery beef and the chicken and sweetcorn soup — after five visits in less than three months I have never managed to order anything else………
Its quite difficult to not view The Carlton Centre within the context of what it once was. This mall was undoubtedly the mall of Joburg. And if you step back and look at how well the city was actually layed out, you begin to see how all this possible. Its at the base of the tallest building in Africa, of which for a small fee can take you up to the viewing deck – every big city must have a skyscraper viewing deck!
Today, its a little bit of juicy secret. Its normal and clean, filled with all the normal shops, sans a couple of real gems like Levi Factory Stores, and countless shoe stores selling amazingly cheap awesomeness.
You then have the Smal Street Mall which is effectively an alley way of shops, that disects the city centre like a zigzagged crack on your windsheild. It passes through The Carlton Centre. And then surrounding it are all other mighty hey day buildings like the Carlton Hotel which has my parents speak of The Top of The Carlton as once being the fanciest spots this side of the mine dumps. Then there was The Carlton Skyrink which brought the kind of joy one can only get from ice skating in circles.
The Hotel and the Skyrink lie dormant. But in true Jobusy fashion, its just a matter of time before someone goes “hang on, this sky rink will be the sickest venue for a party!” Enter Red Bull’s Soundclash where Tumi and The Volume were on one side of the rink, and The Dirty Skirts on the other side, and there was a microphone hanging in the centre, measuring the decibels.
Illovo has really grown up in the last few years. Wolvesis the new kid on the block… or rather the new girl with pigtails on the swing in the park on the block. Filled with all manner of kitch art, toys and ceramic deer, the latest addition to the strip is a welcome breath of fresh candy-floss flavoured air. They don’t have a liquor licence (yet) so either bring your own or have some tea and a cupcake instead. The red velvet cake is the most sublime way to start your morning.
Wolves is also one of only two stockists in Joburg of must-have Australian fashion and design magazine Frankie.
4 Corlett Drive, Illovo. Parking right outside, or on the corner of North and Oxford (accessible from North Rd).
Located in the Banking District of the inner city, Mo’s has quickly become a favorite. Because there are so many chicken places in the city, its become important to differentiate. The fact that its ‘Jamaican’, sets it apart from anywhere else. It means a sweetness I’ve never tasted before, it means the chicken comes with ‘coco bread’. I’m looking forward to working my way through all the other specialties.
Oh, and just a side note; I’ve heard the owner talk. She has the coolest accent, so this is legit people!
Great place, super cozy, and super nice pizza. I know those aren’t the ideal adjectives one normally uses to describe a place. But then again, nothing in Jobusy is ‘ideal’ in its explanation. I had a fantastic pizza when I was there, the base tasted sweeter! It’s exciting to see Illovo come of age and build itself up as a little hub of coolness. Check out Roseboys, and the cutest little Italian spot around the corner.
They’re on Oxford Road, but right on the corner of Corlette Drive.
The idea is simple. In order to truly love something, you first have to understand it. Johannesburg is no different in this regard.
Connect with the real city through those who live and play here. The result? A catalogue of Johannesburg like no other.
